Rough Start

Three days after the miscarriage and D&C, I waited.  Nothing happened.  I bought a manual pump and massaged my breasts and still nothing!  A week goes by - nothing - and now I'm pissed.  Not only did God take my primary gift away from me, now He takes my secondary gift?  I got angry, threw the pump across the room, yelled, screamed and cried.  Daddy was at work and asked me how I was doing and I told him exactly how I felt.  He ended up leaving work early that day to console me.  Why was this happening to me?


I talk to Rae and she tells me that Daddy needs to suckle to stimulate the reflex that will cause the milk to start producing.  Well that's no problem because he loves sucking on my breasts.  Then she says that she had to do it for 5 weeks at every 2 hours a day.  Huh? Though she stated it shouldn't take that long for me, she was re-inducing so it took her longer.  "This is for the birds," I thought.  The Lactation group met and Daddy and I both attended.  I was amazed to learn how much more there was to it.  Rae freely admitted that it's a rough and rocky start, but well worth it.  There were 4 of us women there and it was a great meeting.  I was determined that this is what I wanted to do and I would be committed to making this happen.

Daddy on the other hand...not so much.  Every time he sucked, it hurt because he was sucking and not suckling.  It's all in the tongue.  He would suckle for about a minute and start complaining that his mouth hurt, or the brace that was left was scratching his teeth, or he was too tired.  My frustration started getting the best of me.  I began pumping constantly.  At one point, we got in an argument about it and I said, "Fine, I just give it up."  He didn't understand that this simple act was what I needed to recover from the loss of our baby.  Him suckling on me was the equivalent of my baby suckling - it was just a matter of imagination.  I cried that night and decided I would just get other men to suckle for me.

Daddy and I have a marriage and Dom/Sub relationship, but he has a Domme on the side.  She fulfills the needs in him that I can't - which is  inflicting pain on him.  He likes CBT (cock and ball torture) and being fucked with a strap-on.  Those two things I just cannot do.  So if he can have playmates on the side, I need sucklers on the side.  In a fit of anger, I posted on Fet that I needed more mouths and I got 4 volunteers.  Daddy works 5am to 1pm and I could squeeze someone in for a morning feeding.  If he could play, so could I.  Rae mentioned that you build a relationship with the suckler, so it would have to be someone that I trusted and knew.  There would have to be a screening process.


I started talking to two potentials.  In the meantime, the lactation process would have to rely on me.  I started pumping like crazy.  Daddy came to his senses and started to understand what this meant to me and finally decided to cooperate.  The day after the lactation meeting, he squeezed milk out.

I was so excited to finally see it!  Finally, 3 weeks after the loss of my son, I have some vindication.  I am officially a breastfeeder!  Now I just would need to keep it up to keep the milk flowing.


THAT is about to be my next issue...